Testing: The Saga Continues

This post is going to be purely about me.

My husband says he loves summer vacation.  He isn't on summer vacation....he has a "real" job.  He says he "loves" summer vacation because  (and I quote him directly): 

"I get my wife back."

The poor guy, he never knows who he is talking to for  9 months, the Wicked Witch of the West or Glenda the Good Witch.....heck, I never know who he is talking to until my lips start to move.  

I don't think I have slept through  from Sunday night to Monday morning all school year.  I have these  3 AM wake ups that start my brain rolling and  suddenly it is  5:09 and the alarm clock is going off.   I know some people just start their day when that happens.  

If I were still single, I would probably just come home from school and go right to sleep ( my stress coping mechanism).

In the last  2 years, I  have lost 20 pounds.  In the last month, I have gained back 8.  Instead of going home and sleeping, I head to the gym and work out.   It is supposed to help with the stress.  I guess it has prevented me from  gaining more than 8.

I have shooting pain from the right side of my head down my shoulder and there are days I can barely turn/tilt my head.

Friday night was the first time I hung out with friends since November.  (I had to skip my workout to make that happen). It's not that I couldn't make arrangements with friends....but who would want to be around me?

(I just read this post up to this point to my husband. I couldn't help but  start crying...maybe that will also help with some of the stress relief)

Every Sunday is dedicated to school work.  

I told my husband this morning that I will probably have a headache until June.

It's not that I don't like my job.  I love teaching.  I always tell my students I am fortunate because what I love to do pays me money.  I also told them I  would do this for free if my food and housing were covered (I liken it to the old west when teachers received these provisions as part of their compensation).  

I hate testing.  What happened this past week with testing and our students....it was borderline the psychology experiments of the  60's when there were no  ethical guidelines for human subjects. (Wikipedi article on Human subject research).  Can you say CRUEL AND UNUSUAL?

Believe me, I know people want to  know that their children will graduate from high school with skills that will help them be successful in life.  I know that  the greatness of  our country is based on the idea that we are pioneers and innovators.  I understand that the jobs kids in elementary school will work at are not even invented yet.  I do not believe, know or understand how what we will be doing in school from February through the end of the school year will help that happen.  I want my students in my classroom learning and growing.  It is not happening when they are testing.

I can't wait until  summer vacation.  

I can have myself back.

What does anyone really want?

I read numerous  blogs...many of them written by educators.  I follow  numerous people on Twitter....many of them educators.  The other day, I re-tweeted a tweet that said

"Dear America, teachers are the solution to education, not the problem" (@hiphughes). 

 I was excited because several of my colleagues re-tweeted my re-tweet.    

There was another tweet from Edutopia called 6 Characteristics at the heart of teaching and the blog article that was attached: "The Heart of Teaching: What it means to be a Great Teacher" written by Rusul Alrubail.  The article talks about qualities like kindness, compassion, empathy, positivity, being a builder, and being inspirational.  

What does anyone really want from schools?

I once had a student tell me that  grades K-12 are about  reading, writing and arithmetic but school is  really just to teach children how to play nice with others.  It is a time when you learn to communicate.  He felt that the real learning happened as you were older and learned what it was you wanted to be.  

I have had graduates come back and see me and thank me for always just being there; for being supportive no matter how many mistakes they made.

I have had graduates email me and tell me how fabulously they are doing and how much they enjoy college and wish they had someone like me to help them.

I have had graduates come back and tell me how they are still looking for what it is they want to do.

We have recently entered the testing "season".   It gives me ulcers.  It causes me so much stress....I can barely turn my head some days.  I was getting a room of students ready to test the other day. I told them if they heard a thump, it would be me hitting the floor because I  passed out. I was so anxious.  I was nervous and so were they.    We survived.  

No one has ever come back and said, "Thanks! You really prepared me for that test!"

No matter how hard I have been on a student challenging them to  do more....No matter how much I have tried to help my students with their academics, their  life plans, their vision of the future

NO ONE HAS EVER COME BACK TO THANK ME FOR THEIR PERFORMANCE ON  A STANDARDIZED TEST.

The end and the new beginning....

Friday, the quarter ended.  Technically, it ended the Friday before and was followed by  3 days of exams.  It is the end but also a beginning.  Crazy how that happens. It brings to mind that song "Closing Time":

 "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end" (Semisonic)

I like fresh starts.  Every year, we take the time to look at the last year and make a resolution....a new beginning. 

My husband is a time travel junkie.  This impacts   our movie and TV watching significantly. Enjoying so many time travel stories, makes you stop and think....if there was an opportunity, would you go back and change something?  Would you create a new beginning that would cause a different end?  

Some days feel like  "Groundhog Day" with Bill Murrey waking up to the same day over and over.

Some times you wonder about the "Butterfly Effect" and how making  1 change would impact the rest of your life.

I think most people would  go back and change something traumatic in their lives.  I remember being about 4 years old and walking with  my cousins and uncles from grandma's house to my great aunt's house a block away.  We walked through a field and into a swarm of yellow jackets. All of us were stung  repeatedly.

That being said, I think most of our strong young memories are of trauma and not  of the good stuff and we would be too young in that situation to effect a change if we time traveled.  No one would listen to us.

Maybe it would be a decision we have more control over like what we want to be when we grow up.  Knowing where I am now, maybe I would be able to time travel back and become a teacher during my undergrad work rather than being so undecided and taking  3 extra years to figure it out.  

Maybe I would never have chosen to be  a teacher....can't imagine it but you never know.

I guess most people look back at something they regret and want to change.  I always try to  live with the theme 

Never regret anything you've done 

and 

never do anything you will regret.  

So in the biggest picture, I am always happy because:

 whatever it is, 

it is.

The End is Near

Today is the last day of Winter Break.  Tomorrow is going to be the hardest day to wake up and go back to the real world.

I am the queen of countdowns.

Two weeks of school and then we are into the  midterm exams.

One semester and 3 weeks of school left.

103 days of school left...(90 days in 3rd and 4th quarter, 10 days in the  2nd quarter and  3 days of midterm exams)

I always tell students the school year flies by...and for sure, senior year flies by.

Almost 21 years have flown by.

Happy 2015!

I care....

I think the greatest thing any teacher can give their students is care.  Any way you can express to students that you care about how they do in school helps them care.  I try to use humor most times but  there are times when ...well, I feel like a care more than they do....

I have a starting spiel for my tutoring class that goes something like this:

"Welcome to tutoring, today is Blankday!  All of you have should have something to do.  If you don't know what to do, let's check the grade book and figure out what it is you should be working on. There are  "X" days left in the quarter.  If you have an F, you have "X" days to fix it."  After this, there can be several conversations that follow:

"I really want to you to pass your classes, let's work on fixing the 23% with 20 days left in the quarter."

"I really want you to pass your math class, are you aware you have 10 missing assignments?"

"You have 5 F's; is there really nothing  we can be working on?"

"Can you come and take this test you missed 2 weeks ago?  It is really hurting your grade."

"Is there anything I can do to help you with (insert subject here)?  You have not passed a test yet."

"Can I help you organize the folded papers in your book bag?  It looks like you are carrying around your laundry in there."

"You know, you are missing 2 assignments in Social Studies; With a  58%, just turning in one of those will put you at a passing grade. Turning in both, will really  help you pass."

"Have you talked to your teacher about what is  holding you back?"

I think that is the  hardest skill students need to learn, communication.  Sometimes, I think students treat their teachers like the great and powerful Oz, who lives behind the curtain and everyone is afraid to see the person behind the curtain.  I like to  try to help students get behind the curtain and talk to their teachers. This is such an important skill for people to have, to be able to talk to their  "supervisors".   I sometimes will sit in a meeting and say to a student: "Just  ask your teacher, people really don't know this but we are rational  people."

I also tell them it is a skill that will do them well in college.  I know I did not take advantage of a professor's office hours when I was a college student and I should have.  It may have saved me  the agony of  changing my major and  not knowing what I wanted to be when I was done.  Who knows? I just hope my students can avoid conversations like the one below.
http://youtu.be/57aOIkaXQGc (if your mobile device doesn't see the video)

Education Today

Have you seen this video?

I have seen this video in  a few professional development settings.  They are like our theme or mantra in education these days.  Everything seems to be changing by the minute which makes it feel like  we are flying in a plane while they are building it.  I don't know about you but I would not get on a plane that was being built as it is being flown.  I would not want my children (students) to get on a plane that is being built as  we are flying.  In fact, I am one of the people who says, "Hey, I don't mind the delay if it means they fix that thing on the ground before we take off." I am not  upset by maintenance delays.  I am not upset by weather delays.  I like my plane to be  solid, well constructed and able to get me from A to B without a problem.  I want to fly in a good environment, a safe environment. I think education and school should be the same.  We should not be flying by the seat of our pants as decisions are being made and changed day to day.  The school environment should be about learning and becoming the best person you can be.  

How about his one?

This is another video played in a few  professional development places  lately.  If you listen to the words these cowboys say, it is exactly how I feel about my job:

"Don't let anyone tell you it's easy"

"I'm living the dream"  ( I really do love my job!)

"Not everyone can do what we do"

"I wouldn't do nothing else"

"When you bring a herd into town and ain't lost a one of them aint' feeling like it in the world"

Translation: When you know your students have learned what you taught them, "ain't a feeling like it in the world!"

If I didn't say it before Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my job. I am thankful that I was lucky enough that I have a career that I enjoy.  I am thankful that I work with a great staff and that whether I realize it or not, I affect students everyday.  I'm also thankful when I get on a plane and it is completely built and not in need of repair mid-flight. 

The Random Smile

I am not a natural smiler.  My father often said I bare the weight of the world on my face.  It's heavy. My husband wishes I would smile more often.  I have to practice smiling.  I know it sounds strange but it is who I am.

In college, I  was called by a good friend to  interview for an RA position at an apartment complex near campus.  I was very excited because it meant an opportunity for free rent.  I went through he interview process and  was very hopeful.  I was very lucky to have a friend who was on the inside because the interviewer  spoke to my friend and said, "I really liked her and think she would be good for the position.  But, does she smile?"  Needless to say, I got the job because my friend  explained it away as nerves.  And from then on, I have had to practice smiling.

I find that  smiling is a helpful  tool as I travel the hallways at school.  Not like a big toothy grin. Just a smile that says I see you everyday on my way to class and I acknowledge that you are  part of my existence.  It helps with the  loss of anonymity that  happens in schools.  It is easier to break a rule when  no one knows who you are than when a familiar face  that seems friendly is headed your way.

I have received some random hello's too.  I admire people who are that self assured to randomly greet  strangers.

I think the best story of random hello-ness happened last year.  I was on my way into the building and realized that I did not have my ID badge on.  In fact, I had no idea where it was and I started to have a conversation with myself about it.  There was this young man who I passed daily and we never really acknowledged each other but on that day, he became privy to my conversation with myself as I explained I had no idea where my ID was.    I turned around, went back to my car and found it.  But since then, I have seen him in the hallways and we always smile and greet each other.

A smile is such a small gesture that reaps such huge benefits.  I'm going to keep working on it.